The Wooden Horse

Chapter Eight

Mornings are a busy time at Greenbriar Nursing Home. Alyssa didn’t miss the hustle and hassle involved in having eight to ten people to care for in the early morning hours. Ann may have a lot of equipment to monitor, but Ann’s personal care was a breeze compared to working the floor as she used to do. Still, she’d enjoyed taking care of the folks. She knew that her job meant something to them. The residents relied on her for a lot of their daily living needs. When you can’t do ordinary things for yourself, those things aren’t just important, hey’re everything.

Alyssa gave Ann her bed bath. She cleaned, dried and dressed her with all the loving care of a mother with her infant child. She spoke to her constantly, informing her of everything she was doing as it happened. She spoke as a friend, with respect and interest in both the person and the actions. When Ann was dressed, Alyssa prepared her for interface with EVE. She did this with the same love and care that she’d used while tending to Ann’s physical needs. She talked to Ann through the whole process, including her in each step of the process. She treated her with respect. Their relationship didn’t stop at caregiver and client. While professionalism was at the forefront, their friendship was obvious.

The visor on, the equipment up and running, Ann began to speak to Alyssa with her eyes. Alyssa waited patiently, her copy of “The Telling” in her lap. She only had a couple of chapters left. A soft beep in her headphones directed her attention to the chat box.

“I’m not feeling especially well today dear. Weak. I think I’m just going to watch my old videos. Maybe after I’ll feel like reading for a bit. That’ll give you a chance to finish your Amish “literature”. I hope the ending is all you hoped for.” She threw in a little smiley face emoji on the end. Cute.

“Thanks, Ann. I know you’re being sincere, and not sarcastic, by the smiley face there. Enjoy the farm, hon.”

Alyssa opened the archives drawer and retrieved F1001 from it’s usual location. Third drawer, third row, second from the left. As often as Ann used this particular VR, she had it’s location memorized. Still, she checked the number before loading it and logging it on the Activity Log. She finished the set up and settled into her chair to finish her book. The Family Farm VR had all of her childhood memories, videos, and pictures on file. Ann could access all of them in the miracle of virtual reality. It was as close to dreaming as cutting edge technology could achieve. It was a Time Machine for the mind.

Ann had the external feedback sensors on so she could “feel” her surroundings in the VR. The gravel crunched under her tennis shoes as she walked down the old farm road. She savored it, as one would a delicious meal. She stopped and knelt down. She placed her palm down on the road and circled her hand in the dirt and rocks. The grit and pebbles were rough against her soft hand. She pressed into the gravel with a little force. When she picked up her hand and looked at it, there were little indentations and a couple of tiny rocks stuck to her palm. She smiled and rubbed her hands together. The familiar blue sky was framed, as usual, by the many perfect clouds floating on the wind. She stood up and continued her slow walk towards the clearing with the tractor. Ann took her time, enjoying the wind blowing her young, auburn locks in the gentle breeze. She walked with her arms stretched our to her sides, head back and eyes towards the clouds. The clean smell of the land wafted over her pleasantly.

Ann opened her eyes. She stood in the clearing now. The old combine sat in the dusty clearing, not even fifty feet away. Beside it stood a rusty old grain silo that she’d never recalled being there before. Ann stood staring at it for a very long time, not comprehending. In all the years she’d visited this VR rendition of her homestead, she’d never seen this silo. Yet, it was familiar. It belonged here. She knew it did, but she still didn’t understand. She walked towards it, head cocked to the side like a curious child. She walked past the combine and up to the base of the silo. She began to circle it, touching it with the outstretched fingers of her left hand. The old metal was cold and rough to her senses, like an icy drizzle of rain on her memory.

The pale blue toyota sat there with weeds growing around it. The dry rotted tires had been flat for many years, letting the chassis sit bare inches from the ground. The beat up old car gave Ann’s memory another lurch. She knew the car. The far corners of her memory were kicking up dusty tornadoes of information throughout her mind. She wiped the passengers window with her hand, plowing the dirt aside. Ann leaned forward with both hands over her brow, peering into the dark car. The thick layer of dust on the windows made it hard to see, but she could make out an odd shape sitting in the passenger seat. The door creaked as she pulled it open. There on the seat was a red and white wooden horse on rockers. About the size of her fist, it was grimy and faded with age. The colors still stood out, contrasting as they did with the dull, dusty interior. Ann picked it up slowly. The epiphany built slowly, but soon picked up a head of steam that exploded in her brain.

When Ann was six, her dad gave her a little wooden horse as a birthday present. He’d whittled it himself. He’d spent months shaping it from a solid piece of aspen. Then he’d hand painted it. The little wooden horse was her favorite toy growing up. She kept it on her bedside table and talked to it every night. She loved it. The little horses name was Lilly. By the time she was eight, she’d outgrown playing with Lilly, but she still talked to her every night as she lay in bed. For all of the love she had for Lilly, she was always afraid her friends would laugh at her for talking to a toy horse, so she never told anyone about her conversations with her dad’s gift. Until. One day she fell in love with a handsome young man. His deep blue eyes set her mind at ease. They saw her soul laid bare. She would, and did, tell this man her few dark secrets. Including the one named Lilly. The boy had smiled, but never laughed. He’d listened to the story of her dad’s labor of love and spoke from his heart.

“The Greeks left a wooden horse outside the gates of Troy after a war that had went on for a decade. It was left as a giant tribute to the Trojans, while the Greeks returned to their own lands. But the whole thing was a fake. Inside the hollow horse was a picked group of Greeks, waiting to be taken inside the walls of impregnable Troy. After a night of celebration, the men of Troy slept off their drunkenness. It was then that the Greeks sneaked out of the horse, cut their throats and opened the gates of the city. The whole war was over a beautiful woman. THE beautiful woman. The face that launched a thousand ships. The one true love of a man who was willing to do anything to have her. Lose everything. Even his honor. In a way, your Lilly is like that Trojan horse. Dad gave it to you as a way into your heart. It seems he was right. That little wooden horse worked its way into your heart and linked you and your dad together forever. I think it’s awesome.” Any misgivings Ann had had about Walt being the love of her life disappeared from that moment on.

Ann sat on the passengers seat, holding Lilly in both of her hands. The tears were flowing down her young cheeks. The wet streams dripped down upon the wooden horse, slowly cleaning the layer of dust from the old friend. She smiled as she softly cleaned Lilly off with her tears. She looked up to the silo framed against the blue sky. Towards the top was a small platform, with a metal stairway leading its winding path up to it. Ann squinted into the bright sky to make out a shape on the landing. Somehow she knew what it was. She walked over to the silo and began to climb the stairs. The old rusty steps creaked as she made her way around the bin. The landscape around her was a blur of green fields and blue skies. The last few steps brought her to the handsome young man sitting on the landing. Her tears flowed freely now. Her memories from deep down in the lost spaces of her mind turned from a trickle to a flood. She sat beside him, looking into his smiling face, her tears dripping from her quivering smile. He reached for her hands and covered them, and Lilly, with his own strong hands.

“This isn’t real.” was all she could think, or say.

“No, Marie. It’s not. But it’s the best I could do.” his voice wasn’t quite how she remembered, but she knew it was him.

“I’ve been living in this fantasy world so long. How could I not remember? How could I have forgotten? What happened?” she pleaded to understand.

“ You fell that day. The day we first….” his head bowed to stare at the floor.

She remembered the fall. The brain damage. The coma. The never ending long sleep, with the dreams that never satisfied. They were always full of questions, never answers. There were gaps. Some big, some small. They blotted out a lot of her memory of that year in a coma. That long sleep.

“You almost died. You never woke up. They told me you never would. Your folks blamed me. I blamed me. The police blamed me. I went to jail for a while. I had no money for bail, but they ended up acquitting me. When I got out six months later, I had no one. No family. No friends. No you. They moved you to a hospital out of state. I didn’t find that out for a very long time. They told me you’d died. Been cremated. I lost my mind for a while. Drank for a long time. Then I joined the Marines. I lost myself in the job. I had nothing to lose, nothing to live for. That made me a dangerous man. After two tours, I began to find myself again. Found a purpose. I was good at what I did in the service. The discipline, the order. It brought me back to reality, kinda.” He sighed, looking to the pretty sky.

“The years went by slowly. I wish I could tell you I became a good man, married a good woman and had a good family. I never did. I never was a good man after you. You were the only good part of me, Marie. I saved men in battle. That was the only good I think I’d done. But I killed plenty more. My agony over losing you brought out the fury in me.”

“ I retired from the Corps. I found a decent job as a security specialist for an international company that had me still toting a rifle, training afghan police, and guarding government officials. I managed to be good at it. About fifteen years ago I retired for good and became a crotchety old man with one lung and a bad disposition. Depression set in. Then I met Sonny.” He smiled at her as he wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“His dad had been my lieutenant in the ‘Stan on one of my tours. He died in my arms. His boy worked for HiTechMed in the research division. Your name came up time and time again. It took him years of seeing bits and pieces of your reports and information to put it all together. He found out about the lie your folks told me to keep me from seeing you. Not that I blame them. I blamed myself for everything for so long, too. By the time he hunted me down, I was living off of vodka and cigarettes, waiting to die. I was old and decrepit, just wanted to lay down and quit. Then he explained how you’d survived all these years, writing and all. Living a life. I wanted to see you so bad, but I didn’t know what it would do to you. Sonny came up with this little VR gambit. If nothing else, you’d know that I didn’t abandon you. I had no choice. I missed an entire life without you, Marie. I’m sorry. I never stopped loving you, though. Never.” His voice trembled.

Marie Ann Taylor held his hands tightly.

“I remember.” Was all she had to say.

The real world invaded her universe with a slight “beep” from the chat window. Marie Ann clicked it open reluctantly.

“There’s someone here that wants to talk to you, Ann. Can I disconnect you for a bit? He insists that it’s important.” Alyssa’s text was right to the point. She clicked the “ok” icon immediately.

As reluctant as she was to let the dream VR go, she knew it wasn’t “real”. But it was “her” real. Had been for a very long time. She felt the visor being disconnected and closed her eyes as Alyssa lifted it from her face. She kept them closed for nearly a full minute afterwards. She didn’t want to lose Walt’s image in her mind. She was afraid of losing him again.

“You gonna open those beautiful eyes, Marie?” His voice flowed like a river of honey into her ears. She opened her eyes and spied an old man peering at her. The lines, creases and wrinkles were cut deep into the old man’s face, and he was a bit stooped over, but it was definitely Her Walt.

“I didn’t want to scare you with this ugly mug without breaking it to you slowly. I didn’t know if you’d even remember me just cause you seen me. Sonny and some of his geek friends made the VR recording. Best there is, with all the interactive tech and stuff. I’m glad you remember me. I hope, I pray, that you can forgive me. Can you? Can you forgive me for taking a life from you? For walking away and giving up on you? I’m so sorry. I love you so much, Marie. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. Ever will.” His old freckled hand touched hers, ever so slightly. It still felt strong, to her. It still felt like the hand of the man she’d loved.

“Now. I want to ask you if you’ll let Alyssa put your visor on again. There’s a little more to the VR recording. You’ll understand. Is that ok?” He pleaded in his heart for it to be ok. Her blink said “yes” and Alyssa replaced the visor gently. The recording was paused just where they’d been. It took her a few seconds to adjust. She could still feel Walt’s hand on hers, in VR and in reality. It made her heart glow and swell. The pause lasted for a couple of minutes. She began to think the bootleg program had a glitch. Then it started.

Walt smiled at her. His hand felt real on hers, because it was. She felt him set Lilly aside on the landing, still holding her hand with his free hand.

I know this is a strange thing to ask. It’s a strange world we’re living in, though. I’ve loved you, and lost an entire life with you. I don’t know how long we have left, but I do know that all the time I do have left, I want to spend it with you. Even if it’s just sitting here looking into your eyes and holding your hand. We can explore a universe of VR, take long walks and have long talks. I don’t care if it’s for just one minute, or years. I love you, Marie Ann. Will you marry me?’

The old man sat beside her bed, holding her motionless hand, in the nursing home here in the real world. The small box lay open on the covers of her bed. The small gold ring he’d retrieved from it was in his right hand, sliding it onto her finger. The VR goggles on his old, balding head were uncomfortable, but worth it. In the virtual world he laid eyes on Marie’s younger self, and got to retrace the footsteps of his life this time. It didn’t matter if it was real or not. It only mattered that he got to hear the love of his life say the words that would change his life forever, even though he could see forever from here. The small box, with the ring inside, was the one thing he’d carried with him all his life, since that fateful day at the silo. He’d intended to pop the question at this favorite spot of hers. Now here he was, doing it. Her answer was all he needed. All he wanted.

“Yes.” She said.