Seriously, though…

What do you call a cow that spies on you?   A steak out! 

Yes. A “Dad Joke”. I went there. Why? Because they’re fun, that’s why. Life is too short to take it so seriously all the time. You can’t think about stuff like politics, war and money without taking time out to laugh. I’ve heard from a reliable source (Reader’s Digest) that laughter is the best medicine. Hey, that reminds me: Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now. See? Ya didn’t even need a copay. 

I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes. I do that in real life with jokes. I forget them. So, I started saving them in my phone. You never know when you’ll need a good laugh, so it’s best to have one in your pocket. Jokes help me get through the day. Kind of like when I went to the doctor and told him I’d been feeling run down. He asked me why I felt that way, and I replied, “Because I’ve got tire marks on my legs!” He didn’t laugh, but I did. The important thing is to know your audience. The worst place to have a real heart attack is during a game of charades. Truth. 

Some people hate Dad Jokes. They think they’re corny. Which brings this question: Do you know how to make Sweet Corn? You whisper sweet nothings in its ear! And did you know why all the corn stalks were afraid of Jimmy? Because Jimmy cracks corn, and he don’t care. How about this: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where’s Popcorn? Still think Dad Jokes are corny? Yup. I agree.  

My sister, Pam, and I trade Dad Jokes on the regular. She started it, Mom! I swear!  

She trades them back and forth with her grandson, and I got dragged into doing it some years ago. Okay, I was a willing participant. She knows I love a good silly joke. I love all the other kinds of jokes, too, but as a member of the Grandfathers And Grandmother’s Union (GAG U local 42) we can’t expose those kids to the racy stuff. It’d destroy their image of our respectable elder status. There’s plenty of time to dismantle that when they’re older.  

Why aren’t dogs allowed in bars? Because they can’t hold their licker! Animals are often the brunt of these Jokes. Like: What kind of sandals do frogs wear? Open Toad! Yup. See, the funny thing there is that frogs don’t really wear sandals. What do frogs order when they get BBQ? Ribb-ets! Or this: What do you call a pig playing tug of war? Pulled pork. Do you know why bears sleep all winter? No one is brave enough to wake them up! Why did the cat put on a cocktail dress? She was feline fancy. If those animals could understand puns, do you think they’d laugh? I’d like to think so. Mabe not a belly laugh. More like a chuckle.  

Maybe we grown adults need these jokes. They’re like therapy for all the normal crazy stuff going on it the world. It’s cheaper than therapy (if you’re going to therapy right now, keep going. That stuff works, too) and it has the added effect of making at least two people happy. You and the victim. What happened when Joe went on the Dolly Parton diet? It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe leeeaaannn! Admit it-you sang that! 

So, in summary, there doesn’t always have to be a point. There does, however, need to be a punchline. How do you make a hamburger laugh? Pickle it! What do you call a woman who sets fire to her bills? Bernadette, of course. Now, go forth and irritate the unexpecting and unappreciative world with these Dad Jokes and tell them that Kevin says: 

God Bless Y’all!