I’m an alcoholic. I’m actively recovering and have been for nearly ten years. I get up every morning and say to myself “today, I won’t drink” because that’s how I have to deal with it. I talk about it openly to my coworkers, family and strangers. That’s my version of therapy, AA, and simply how I cope with the daily thirst to drink. I’ve been to a lot of AA meetings in my early years of sobriety, and I have immense respect for that organization, because it helped to get me sober. It taught me how to talk about my condition, to understand it, and to realize that many people out there are just like me. I’m comfortable with who, and what, I am. To some people, it may seem that I’m simply too open or given to TMI (too much information) a bit too much. That’s okay. I know that it keeps me grounded to talk about it, to spread it out on the table and see it for what it is, and to admit to myself that I need to do just that to stay sober.
I used to be a drunk. The difference between a drunk and an alcoholic is pretty basic. A drunk is still drinking. An alcoholic has made that very basic step in the direction of sobriety and has admitted to themselves that they have a problem. An alcoholic may be in recovery, or not. I am. I hope always to be, because to be drinking again is to revert to being a drunk again.
I still miss being drunk. I miss drinking. I always will. I envy people who can take a drink or leave it. I know people who can have a social drink and not have another for months. I’m aware that alcohol isn’t inherently evil. It’s the abuser who makes it so. I’ve never been able to drink without the literal goal of drinking to get drunk. Why else would anyone drink? My mind can’t fathom the control that some folks exercise by not drinking until they’re drunk. I’m just not wired that way. That’s one reason I don’t drink.
There are some other really good reasons I don’t drink any more. I’ve let so many people down in the past when I drank, I don’t want to be that guy again. I’ve been the father who was passed out when he should have been picking up his kids from school. I’ve been the coworker who was drunk and running machinery, rolling the dice that I wouldn’t hurt anyone. I’ve been the son whose mom took him in when he lost his job. I’ve been the dad whose kids have paid his bills or helped him home when he was sloshed. And I’ve been the drunk driver who takes the chance that he won’t kill an entire family when he was behind the wheel. I know who I am when I drink, and I don’t want to be him again. It’s not complicated. My addiction is simple. When I drink, I hurt people. I’m thankful I’ve never killed anyone because of my drinking. I’ve been lucky. And blessed.
If this little column has offended you, tough. I talk about my alcoholism for two reasons: 1) So I won’t drink today, and 2) So someone else may just decide that it’s time for them to stop drinking today. That’s it. If my words aren’t for you, then no worries. I’ve just wasted a few minutes of your day. If what I’ve said makes you think about whether or not you might just have a problem, then seek help. It’s out there. Alcoholics Anonymous has a helpline to find a meeting near you: (844) 811-9606. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s (SAMHSA) National Helpline is 1-800-662-HELP(4357). You can reach out to anyone you like. Your friends, family and pastor are some good places to start, as well. Asking for help is a brave step towards a new, and better, life. People care about you and are ready to help.
Thanks for reading this and being part of the reason I didn’t drink today.
God bless Y’all.
Rolling Stones 