It was a long time ago, in a very dark place in my mind. My world had collapsed around me. I could see no hope. Sorrow and sadness had blinded me to it. I had wandered into the swamp of depression and gotten lost. My heart ached and my mind raced. I was drowning in a sea of coal black quicksand and had run out of strength to fight. Only two choices lay before me: live or die. The world around me didn’t feel real anymore. The only emotions I had left were all the ones that no one wants to feel. Dread. Hopelessness. Depression. Anxiety. The constant pressures of life had compressed my world into a densely packed cube of darkness. I lived my small life in a tiny cell, a prisoner of my own mind and thoughts. It seemed to be ever compressing, crushing my life and soul. Life, or death, seemed irrelevant. Neither one seemed to be the better choice. I could have done either, and felt that it didn’t make a difference either way. I was so wrong. I’m glad I’m here today.
People loved me through it all. Though I felt so lonely, I was never alone. My parents, my sisters, my brother, and many members of my family were there. They all did what they could. They tried so hard, prayed for me, helped me, provided so much support and kindness to me, even when I didn’t deserve it, appreciate it, or even see it. When we let our minds get lost in depression, when our sadness takes control of us, we often lose sight of those who love us. We let the sadness win. Our hearts will wilt like a dying flower if we put it in a dark, dry place. We need light. We need water. We need love. I thank God for all of you who were there for me when I tried to close the door to my life. Mom, Dad, Joe, Mary Ann, Pam, Jennifer-you all suffered right alongside me. You loved the unlovable. You gave me pieces of your own lives that you needed, just because you love me. Thank you. I wouldn’t be here without you. If not for you people, I would not have gone on to have a life.
We all have people who care about us. Those who love us when we are unlovable. Even people that push everyone in their life away from them still have someone that cares. God is always there. He always loves us, and always cares. He’ll put people in your life that will love you, too. While we live our busy lives, He will put people in our path that need us. He asks that we care about them, just as He cares about us. Jesus told us the two greatest commandments were to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” and to “love your neighbor as yourself”. (Matthew 22:37-3). To be there for each other, in our worst times, when we are at our worst, is what true love is all about.
Every day there are people out there that are contemplating their own choice between life and death. They need to know that they are not alone. We need to talk about how we have walked down those same paths and how we survived. They need to see our love in what we do. Others care, even when you don’t deserve it. When it comes down to the basic truth, we need each other. Loving each other is why we’re here. There are those that struggle with mental and emotional issues that can’t hear us. Some people won’t listen. Some people will choose to leave this existence no matter how much we love them. It’s still worth it to try. It was worth it to me. I’m glad I’m here, and I’m grateful to God and my family for the life I’ve lived since they helped me crawl out of that murky place.
September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. If you are battling with thoughts of suicide, depression or any other life crisis, you can dial 988 and talk to people that can help. You need to know that people are willing to help you through your crisis. They are all around you. You are important, loved, and worth fighting for. Don’t let go of the rope. Reach for the hands to pull you up, and out, of your own murky place. There is hope. Never give up. Never.
Rolling Stones 